Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
