I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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