soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
