I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
