do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Randomize
