At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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