when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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