Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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