She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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