I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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