it hurts more in the daytime
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize