I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
