Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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