I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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