He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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