There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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