I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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