she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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