why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
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