Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
