Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
