dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
