Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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