btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
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