My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
