i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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