I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
she pinky promised me she was 18
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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