could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
