my shit smells like andre
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
