I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
