Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
