I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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