Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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