The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
