Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
dude i'm inner monologue high
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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