PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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