i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
