Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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