so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
