Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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