i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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