trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
