dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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