Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
