You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
