i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
