I love black thongs
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i drank out of a bidet.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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