Only a mothe r could love this liver
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
