So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
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