So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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