he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
