So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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