one might say we're banned from that church
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
