I could make wine with my vomit
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
