if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
