Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
