Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
