Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
