hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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