I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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