i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
The air taste purple.
Randomize
