A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
