She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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