I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
