i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just had sex on a roof
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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