There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
