Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
