I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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